mother*wonder Monday {six} - In the Trenches

Sometimes as a mom, you find yourself deep in the trenches.

Making the tough decisions, praying they are right.


Never having imagined before you would be even thinking about the moment.  
Or having thought of it and wishing it would never come!
{like the teen years maybe?!}

Some of the things we do as moms...

Handing a baby over for surgery.

Holding a child for a blood draw.

Protecting your children's health.  

Saying no they can't play with this really awesome friend that you know is much more trouble than awesome.  

Forgetting you are sick because frankly there is just no time for it. 


I am sure everyone reading this could add a few more to the list.


While our lists may look differently, thing is we are moms in the trenches.  We show up, we do the dirty jobs, and yes we do it for love.  Even more so because I would not want anyone else doing them for me.  


It is crazy how love can translate sometimes...


I love you so much that I am going to take that treasured thing away from  you for not listening.


My love is so strong I would rather have you dislike me than anyone else on earth because someday it will all make sense and someday you will only see love.


Me, personally, I had a hard time at first when I had to say no to friends and family who wanted to be here with our preemie babies but couldn't take the precautions ordered by our NICU...after putting my life at risk and their fighting so hard, I had to stand firm.  It was tough, but in the end most everyone did understand.  


Yet in any regard, we do it all not because we have to, no, but because
 there is no one I would rather be advocating for, 
no life I would rather see fulfill its greatest potential, 
no journey I would ever pray more for, 
no story I would ever write a happier ending...
than yours my sweet child. 


I will spend years in the trenches if it means your life is good.

mother*wonder Monday {five} - What I Want for My Children

Often when we refer to what we want for our children, it takes some form of reference to how we grew up and knowing how we want to change things.  I think that it can be healthy in doses to know how we want to do things differently, as long as we are honest, open, and realistic about why we want them to be different.  Not to right wrongs for ourselves, but because we learn from the mistakes made.  The passion has to come from wanting the next generation and hopefully the following and so on to have their paths shifted by what we know we can do different that will help those who come after us reach their fullest potential and the plan God has for their lives.

My childhood was not all rainbows and lollipops.
My parents divorced when I was little.
I was often chided for my dreams instead of encouraged.
Confidence lacked majorly for a variety of reasons and while I believed in my abilities,
I had a very low opinion of myself that I grapple with even now.
Criticism cut deep.
Accomplishing anything meant doing it myself even if it meant putting me in a position that would be extremely difficult to overcome.

Yes, through this I have an extremely strong work-ethic, and have learned to be very independent, yet I always seemed to be in a vulnerable position.  I also never really took a break or learned how to just be.  I suppose that has something to do with why I am so passionate about it now.

Simply put, I have always held onto the fact that I can change it, I can make it different.  Through His guidance I can be the parent I want my children to have.  I do not have to carry on the patterns or pain.

I am not naive to think my children's memory will be perfect and every effort I make will be monumental...hardly.  I know my boys will remember things in a way completely different from my recollection, maybe in a light that is not so flattering.   I hope all the good will outweigh the few bad moments.

However, I want to be able to provide my children with a good, healthy, solid foundation on which to anchor their dreams.  It's going to take a lot of prayer and hope to alter our financial path, mountains will have to be moved, but I will not give up.  We will not.

I think what has always stayed with me most is the being okay with children going through major struggles and challenges where parents could have intervened and did not for self-serving reasons.  I am not sure of the thought process, but what I am sure of is I know both my husband and I want better for our children, we want to have gone through those things so they don't have to.

I do think it is important to build character, and work for things, don't get me wrong.  I just think there are ways to go about it that encourage, praise, and uplift.  Yes, my boys will have heartache and pain, but I want to be there every single step of the way.  Yes, there may be times when only they can do it, when they have to learn the lesson, but I will be their biggest fan, cheering them on from the sidelines.  When they want to push me away, I will respect their space but I will ALWAYS be right there.

I am putting it in writing here and now {smile}.


Nothing will ever be more important than being their mom.


My parenting will not end when they are 16. 21, or 35.  For as long as I am here, God-willing.


I will not ever love them for what they can do for me.


I will always give them everything I can to help them be
who they were created to be in every way.

Boys, by the way, your Dad feels exactly as I do.
Remember, we can do all things through Him, together.

mother*wonder Monday {four} - Impatience Causes Accidents

Today while driving Liam to his eye doctor appointment,

admittedly one of those trips marked by little annoying things happening along the way...

Major freight train coming through, always a 10 minute delay.

Trying to stop at my usual place to get gas but the turning lane closed due to construction.

Stopping at another gas station, but I cannot turn the direction I need to, re-routed again, 

another 5 minutes....and for once I had time to spare...

And then I see it...a bumper sticker that speaks right to me.

Impatience Causes Accidents, Just Relax!

I think the good Lord himself slapped it right on that truck just for me.

In fact I was not even as irritated by everything as I probably would have been.

I was just truly happy to finally be making an appointment I had canceled 5 times before,

and really wanting to find out more info on Liam.

What resonated, was not impatience causing an accident while driving,

although that in itself is incredibly true, and I shamefully plead guilty!!!

It was how My Impatience Causes Those I Love to Stumble.


When I am impatient with my boys, my husband, or myself for that matter it doesn't build confidence, create trust, encourage or love, it just says
move on out of the way because I can so do this better and faster or whatever the case may be.

Patience is probably my number one struggle, to this mom who is always multi-tasking and thinking 10 steps ahead, but until today I often thought of it as something I need to change, thought about the effects, but did not really comprehend FULLY the "accidents" it could cause.

For one, my children thinking my impatience is caused by them.  Really it's not.  It's my mindset and I find myself at the height of impatience when something is not going my way, when I am tired, sick, exhausted, financially trying to make things work, it's hard to keep it all in check every day when this is the reality of my every day {for many of us}. But the fallout of me not doing so is far too great.

I do pray for more patience, but I chuckle when I add in not to give me situations to grow my patience.

Just throw it down on a silver platter Lord! 

What honestly works best for me is stopping, focusing, and separating.  

I am usually not impatient about one thing but from a culmination of things.

If I can do this, I usually can tap into my reserves.

Especially trying to get out the door and get E to school or get dinner on with 5 little helpers.  

Knowing these times will be hectic, preparing as best I can for them {and believe me I do all I can do ahead of time} but also realizing they are going to be crazy and to go with it, releases me somehow.  

Listen, I will lose my patience at 8:32am tomorrow, I am no saint, but before I do

I hope that bumper sticker flashes in my head again and reminds me of 

the damage and collateral my impatience can cause.  

Also, Liam's eyes are great {praise God!}

According to his eye doctor it is only an illusion caused by his wide-set eyes {thanks to his mommy} for it to seem as though his eyes are not looking at something together {one wandering}.

Hoping your week is full of patience, and if you have an abundance, 

send some my way!

{God Bless You!}

Until soon,

{michelle}

mother*wonder Monday {three} - Quality Time for Older Sibs

Happy Monday friends!  This topic resonates with me...

Making time and creating breathing space for older siblings. 

After some time playing hoops with E last night, it always impresses upon me the importance of that time together one-on-one.  While I never forget that he needs it, sometimes it can be tricky to make it happen.  I am also empathetic to the fact that before his brothers arrived, he always had me to himself.  I want to be fair about it, and make sure everyone gets some alone time with mom and pops {look for an upcoming post on that}, I think he may crave it a bit more because it is after all how he began.

Overnight our family went from this...

to this...which is a lot for that amazing little guy in the middle to handle.

While our situation is unique in that the rest of my brood does not know what it's like to be a "singleton," a common dilemma is making the older child(ren) know they are just as
awesome and loved as always regardless of how many they are big bro or big sis to.

A few ideas that we have tried that E has LOVED...
{some free activities and some that have required some planning}

I also found it best to be up front about the time we had, but also very into it, so he knew that time was going to be the absolute best no matter how much I wanted to crawl into bed instead.  We also chose more time out for E as opposed to time out for us.  We knew it would speak volumes to him.

Leaving Home
If you're lucky enough to get a few hours out...

*Round of mini-golf and ice-cream
*Trip to science surplus store {for at home projects below}
*Bowling, they love it!
*Rollerskating or Iceskating
*Arcade and pizza
*See a play at a local children's theater, super inexpensive,
we have 3 near us with tickets around $10.
*Minor league baseball game

*Museum/planetarium overnights, places like the Adler Planetarium {Chicago} offer an astro overnight, if you stay until 10pm instead of overnight, the fee is less than half
and you really don't miss a thing.

*Night downtown, play, museum, fun place for dinner...all of the above for something extra special.

{free}
*At Christmastime make a scavenger hunt for lights...did he see that leg lamp?!
*Trip to park and library
*Grab a basketball, soccerball, whatever and go play!
*Bikeride with no destination or plan
*Weekend free movie showings
*PJ party at local bookstore, Friday nights here at Barnes and Noble

I also tried to save any giftcards we had to be used during these times to offset some of the cost.  
E joined the reading program at our local library when he was 4 
and the prizes were museum, arcade, ballpark passes.
It's good for them to know they contributed to the fun too.  

Staying Home
Trying to get some time in while feeding, changing diapers, rocking to sleep, etc.
On the days E was not in preschool, I would try to setup a morning activity for him,
one that I could either talk him through or check in on, something easily understood.

*A science experiment.  You can find so many using regular household items online,
or get a kit like this one with everything in it, the experiments build on one another...
Truth be told JoAnn Fabrics sells so many of these and the 40 and 50% off coupons apply!

{via Fat Brain Toys}

*Create activity bags like these...

{via Pinterest}

*Digging, excavation kits...

{via Amazon}

*Before sibling arrives, create ziploc bags for projects that can be easily explained/set up.
These books were great inspiration.  

                                               {via Amazon}                                                                      {via Amazon}

We did not have a plan every day, but I felt like having a plan for some days made me feel like I had say in how much wii was played, tv was watched, etc.  Games are also great, I-SPY does not take much!

Keeping Routine
While it can be so fun for an older child to play with visiting family and friends, we found E felt most secure when he knew specific routines were done by us...bedtime, taking to school, etc.  Yes it was hard to load up 4 carseats with babies twice a day when I didn't have help, but it made all the difference in the world to E and his brothers enjoyed getting out too, even if just for a ride, I did too.

At the end of the day, all they REALLY care about is time with YOU doing something fun!

Taking time for mother*wonder,
{michelle}

mother*wonder Monday {two} - Getting the Best of Me

{I did miss mother*wonder Monday getting ready for my guest-post, so 

I hope it is still acceptable on Wednesday!}

I have really been thinking lately about who is getting the best of me.

Yes, I do spend the whole day taking care of my children.

So they are getting the MOST of me, but is it my BEST?

Truth is sometimes it's not.

Sometimes I talk to my family in a way I wouldn't talk to my neighbor.

Sometimes I am distracted when they are talking to me, but if I were talking with a friend I would focus.

Sometimes I put on the smile when I walk out the door, but forget to put it on at home.

Sometimes I know my family will understand, but others may not, so I give them my best.
Thing is, what my six think of me, should be most important.

I say I love my life, and I mean it with all of me,
but is that what I portray..in my home?

Most of the time yes, but sometimes this is exactly what I need to have resonate.

The people in my home, the ones I love most, they need to believe
I care, I listen, I enjoy,
and there is no one in the world I would rather give my BEST to.

Enjoying all the moments of mother*wonder,
{michelle}

mother*wonder Monday {one} - Sensitive Boys

Welcome to mother*wonder Monday!!

Visit here to read more about this new feature.

This week's topic...sensitivity in boys.
I am going to start with a little history of
sensitivity from my perspective.

{What it's Like to "Be Sensitive"}

In nearly thirty-five years of life, I think within the past five I have really come

to terms with my sensitivity as a person.

To stop viewing it as a curse, to try to see its blessings. 

To realize that I am simply more aware.

{the term I prefer}

I do believe it has helped me as a mom.

Sensitivity can breed empathy, that this world could definitely use more of.

{Recognizing Sensitivity}

Ever since my oldest was an infant, I knew he was aware too.

Unlike me he always loved being the center of attention.  

While I knew life would be more difficult for him being sensitive, 

I always held onto his fun-loving spirit getting him through.

Along with us building his confidence and always providing unconditional love.

Then school began.

E rarely cries about things at home, and rarely cries away from home.

but

If he feels like he can't do something he should be able to {tying shoes fast enough},

or feels different from his peers {forgot something for school at home},

or feels like something is not just {how could a friend take that from me?} he gets upset.

It's like I always say, I cry when I am angry, hurt, worried, upset, even happy, not when I am sad.

He is not afraid to be away from me, not shy or scared, just super innocent.
His heart is so pure.

There are many traits of sensitivity, his are maybe a little less common,
or overtaken by his zealous personality.

I thank God for this all the time. I also think a lot has to do with parenting.

{Parenting Sensitive Boys}


I am by no means the expert on this at all, just some thoughts to share.

I know I have more than one sensitive boy. The NICU developmental psychologist asked us

if there were passionate people in our family. We of coursed asked the obvious, why?

 He could tell by my boys' stats...heart rates, breathing, sleeping patterns that they were sensitive.

Besides thinking he was a genius, my husband gently looked at me, my wife is super passionate.  

What do we do with this knowledge?  

I think we first need to know what kind of sensitive...In our older son's case, he is insanely outgoing,

ready to try anything, but sensitive,not the usual combination as I mentioned.

While this is great, sometimes it can take people off guard.
He cried at ____, He was upset by ____ things they may not perceive as a big deal.

Perception holds great weight with the sensitive. Often it will be said,
you misunderstood what I said, you took it the wrong way, you, you, you.

I would say there is just no reason to point the finger. I know children who are sensitive would never
think to say that back to someone. They wouldn't place blame. When it is said to them in that manner,
well it can breed the feeling that they are doing something wrong.

These can also be viewed by the sensitive as uncaring...I wish you'd stop worrying.

It's not that big a deal. I don't know why you're crying about it. 

This one especially for boys..Toughen up, boys don't cry at that. {breaks my heart}

Even though I am cut from the same cloth, I can get frustrated myself
{oh the irony!}so I try to remember...

Sensitivity is not something that can be turned off. Being aware is what makes my kids notice all the amazing things about childhood. Sensitive children are extremely empathetic, such an incredible quality. Confidence is such a great balance to sensitivity.

I think it's also so important to avoid the kids are so resilient sentiments when it comes to sensitivity.

Yes, kids are resilient, but kids who are aware of their surroundings and who drink them in
and are affected by them, need to also be nurtured with familiarity, and acknowledged for
being much brighter than we sometimes give them credit for. {my humble opinion}.

While I am learning as I go too, the best thing is just to talk and listen.

As I mentioned, I am aware, sensitive, whatever you want to call it,
but it does not affect my life in any regard like it did before.

Some of it is learning to not give anyone else control over your life {except for God above}.
Some is life experience, the things I have seen, well the rest just doesn't seem as big of a deal anymore.
All of it is time and prayer.

So, when I want to be frustrated, I have to pause and remember,
wonder
this is who God made them to be, there is a reason.

Thinking of who my little men will turn into, men who care, men who feel, men who understand,
that's what my heart wants most for them. They will do amazing things in this world!

{my sensitive bunch}

Here are some great resources, some I have read, some on my list to read.

Raising Your Spirited Child

The Highly Intuitive Child

The Highly Sensitive Person

Strong-Willed Child or Dreamer?
Raising Cain

Taking time for mother*wonder,

{michelle}

mother*wonder Monday - definition

Mother*wonder is my way to 

attribute a phrase

to recognizing the

  details of the day

as a mom.

It's stopping in the 

noise of life

to see little what makes

your life 

with your children special.

It's giving attention to 

what they will remember.

So many times we can 

easily remember and guilt ourselves

over the things we did not do.

Mother*wonder is taking 

time to acknowledge

in the moment

how you are impacting your

child's life.

Maybe you didn't make the cookies,

but did you sit and really enjoy them

with your children?

Maybe at bedtime you couldn't

come up with the greatest-story-ever-told

{I think that one was already penned

a few years ago anyway}

but did you give your time and love?

Mother*wonder is the rituals

we create to give our children peace,

comfort, security, and confidence to grow.

I will be posting regularly

on Mondays

about mother*wonder.

You will see the little signature above each post.

Sometimes it may be a little story about our week,

or ideas for finding more time for wonder.  

Ways to capture those moments, and slow things down.

I hope you will find some inspiration as I do from you,
 and I would love to hear any ideas you have.

You can reach me at michelle{at}ourwonderfilledlife{dot}com

thank you,
{michelle}